Bad news, bad feeling

I got word this morning that my ex-husband's mother died last night, and it is affecting me a little more than I thought it would. We were never incredibly close. We could get along fine but it took incredible amounts of effort on both of our parts.
She was only 44 years old. Two of her children are in their 20s, adults, so they can fend for themselves. But I can't help but think about her 12 year old. How hard that must be for her. Just entering her teen years, when she needs a mother most of all. And I think about my own children - 5 and 6 - how do I explain to them that their "Nanna" is gone and she won't be coming back. I've thought about this a great deal today. A good friend went to a most reliable source, and offered some good advice (Thank you.). I will have to take it one step at a time and see how it goes. The situation is very sad. She was too young.
As I was saying, mMy ex mother-in-law and I had our rough patches. The only person that I've ever flicked off and meant it! Oooo, she could make me angry. But one thing I do know about her - she was incredibly defensive of her family and she loved them tremendously. Her children did a lot of things she didn't approve of and she alway found a way to embrace their decisions or love them through the rough spots. She would fight for them fiercely. I've seen it. She was an intimidating force when angry. Both she and her husband have suffered poor health but they stood by one another through all the financial difficulty, bad news and other struggles that have come their way. I admire her spirit, strength and determination.
When someone passes away, you always hope they know how you felt about them. Well, I haven't really spoken to my ex m-i-l in a year just to avoid conflict. It was better that way. There's a long story there. But now I regret it. And I am feeling ashamed of how I treated her. I tended to look down my nose at her. And she knew it. For this, I am incredibly sorry. She is/was grandmother to my children and I know she loved them dearly. I should have behaved better.I didn't always like her, but I do carry a love for her. She made an impact on my life. I just hope she knows that I harbored no bad feelings despite our arguments and extremely polar views.
So friends, beware. There may be a few strange instances in the next few weeks where I feel like I need to tell you how I feel about you. I'm sure I'll embarass myself at some point. Forgive me. But what good are feelings if you keep them to yourself. And hints don't cut it. Just tell a person, so there is never any question, no one ever wonders. Life's too short.

Ten days away, now here to stay!

Deep breath in ... Deep breath out!
I just finished my first night at work after a week's worth of vacation. As geeky as it sounds, it was nice to be back. I hate being out of the loop. I actually went out to the box every morning (just after the sun came up) and got my paper so I could see what was going on. I think there is a psychosis for what is ailing me. If not, there should be. I need treatment.
I think i know what that treatment should be but I better not say. I can hear my immediate superior saying,"Check yourself" already. SO I will. I'd hate to embarass myself. You know, More than usual.
A week with the kids. Going to bed before 10 p.m. Getting up when I got ready (or the kids got ready) I got to cook, play with the kids - all kinds of fun stuff. AND I CAME BACK TO WORK!?!?! And I sit here with a smile on my face. I'm sick. Can I get help please?
VACATION was great! Waking up before the kids and spending all day with them and putting them to bed - unparalleled. The two of them have managed to get an idea of how to swim. And they aren't scared of anything! Just jump of the steps and go under the water, head and all, and take off - arms flailing and a weak attempt at a kick. I was impressed. Most of all, I'm glad that I didn't miss it. I was there. And they got better everyday. The only thing i'm getting better at everyday is being bitter. HA!
But anyway ...
I'm not sure where I was going with this. I just wanted to post something so I could say,"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I did post something finally!" to the one who gives me a hard time about it. Yes. I admit it. I've been slacking. But here I am working on a rebound.
SIDENOTE: Gotta learn how to post pics. I've got some good ones of A&D and others I would like to share.
Like I said before, back to work. The daily grind. About to add to the mix though. Going to take a class this semester. God willing and all. I am very excited about that. My brain has been slowly turning to mush; It needs a little invigoration. But before I ramble, I will cut out. I have a problem with lingering. See....

All my friends did it!

100 things about me!
1. My name is Kathy.
2. I hated my name when i was a teenager.
3. I thought it should be Allie because my middle name was Alison
4. I have two beautiful kids.
5. I remember a time when I was more patient.
6. I am a copyeditor at the local newspaper.
7. I really like my job
8. I enjoy my co-workers (even Eddie).
9. I started playing the saxophone when i was in the sixth grade.
10. I love the saxophone.
11. I was first chair in high school.
12. H aven't played a saxophone in eleven years.
13. I love big band music!
14. I can enjoy most music.
15. I love a treacherous sky. Dark clouds ... Oooohhh!
16. And rocks. Pretty!
17. I have lots of rocks.
18. I have been a Star Trek fan for a long time ...si nce 5th grade (Thanks Kenneth!)
19. But i really don't like Captain Kirk. Give me Picard (Patrick stewart ... UMMM!)
20. I can't stand Jonathon Frakes either. (Jump out of a bay door, Number One!)
21. I am procrastinating driving home. (For reas oning, see previous post!)
22. I haven't had a boyfriend, hell, a date in three years plus.
23. I get sad when I think about this fact.(I know what you are thinking — "pathetic.")
24. Older men — Yummy!
25. I live with my parents. (I know - pathetic agai n)
26. I have started college twice and had four different majors ... i think.
27. I "majored" in education, geology, journalism and geography.
28. Twelve years after graduating high school, I have yet to complete one.
29. I hate student loans.
30. I have never given blood.
31. I have alway lived within 15 miles of where i live now.
32. I have seen the grand canyon twice.
33. I was drunk and pretty damn cold the second time. But it did snow as the sun was rising over the canyon. Beautiful!
34. I really love taking pictures.
35. I need to learn a lot more about photography.
36. I am a big point-and-shoot person. I know no technicals.
37. I am not real happy with my life.
38. I have more patience with other people's kids than I have with my own.
39. I have an ex-husband.
40. I have bad thoughts about him often.
41. I hate that I can't stay angry for an extended period of time.
42. I hate that i have low self-esteem.
43. I have slept in my office.
44. I was woke up by Mrs. Millie, the lady that cleans.
45. I wa s not as startled as she was.
46. I second guess too many things.
47. I need to find more self-confidence.
48. I find older men to be very satisfying. (Everyone, Get your minds out of the gutter.) I am talking about conversation, maturity and such. DU H!
4 9. I don't like having a pet.
50. I don't have a pet right now.
51. I would choose a small to medium sized dog if I were going to have a pet.
52. I love cheesecake - most kinds!
53. I hate coffee! YUCK!
54. I wish I would lose 60 pounds. (Yes. I said woul d instead of could. I could if i wasn't so damn lazy.)
55. I wanted to be a professional basketball player when I was younger.
56. I used to shoot hoops often with my uncles and cousins. or my sister and brother.
57. I tried out for the JV basketbal l team.
58. The first day of bball camp, a girl told me i had a fat ass. I didn't go back.
59. I still liked to shoot hoops. Played bball with y-club.
60. I shot a bball for the first time in a couple of years five days ago.
61. I don't watch TV.
62. I do watch movies.
63. I hate the Power Rangers.
64. I really hate SPonge Bob.
65. I have great parents.
66. I backed into my uncles truck on a four-wheeler when I was ten or eleven.
67. I fled the scene ( like a bat out of hell)
68. I know how to make a hat out of paper.
69. I often make hats out of the newspaper.
70. I can make you a hat out of the newspaper.
71. I like riding in boats.
72. I do get car sick. Or I used to a lot when I was younger. Just ask the Ledbetters in N.C. I think I th rew up in front of their mail box twice when I was a kid.
73. I really enjoy science, especially geology.
74. I am not a fast typer.
75. I can change my own tire unlike some people (Jake) I know.
76. I am not a best friend to anyone.
77. I can enjoy cooking. When I have money to buy what I want and the little ones are not under my feet.
78. I did not get along with my ex's mother.
79. I flicked her off and i meant it.
80. I felt better.
81. I have a nickname.
82. I find it very amusing.Okay — it's Flash. There's a story there. I may share it later. It doesn't have anything to do with my running capabilities though.
83. I am more than 3/4ths of the way done with this list.
84. I sigh when i get close to finishing very long lists.
85. I find word games amus ing.
86. I hate mind games.
87. I hate office politics.
88. I have some really good pics of my kids.
89. I miss going to north carolina.
90. I don't miss throwing up at Mr. Ledbetters mail box.
91. I hate crunchy cheetos and Choco Soldiers.there's a story there, to o!
92. I hate the Blue Ridge Parkway after eating crunchy cheetos and drinking a Choco Soldier.
93. Twenty years later, I can drink chocolate milk. Just Nesquick though.
94.I hate pumping gas.
95. I hate people that beat around the bush.
96. I hate that t here are four more things I have to put on this list before it is complete.
97. I hate it when my mind goes blank.
98. I stutter, slur when I am really tired.
99. I havta drive 10 miiiillesss be-be-forre I get home.
100. I wish there was a really nice, good-looking, preferably tall, older man standing at the Exon with a credit card that would say that I have been waiting to pump your gas all my life.n

When it rains ... build an ark!

Well, weather fans! It finally happened. The day that I have joked about for years is here. It has rained so much that I cannot make it home. I made two valiant attempts to get home, and met bodies of water in both directions. There were other options, but water was on all the roads and come on, it's 1 a.m. I'm tired. SO here I am, back at the Herald.
Why at the Herald, you say? No way to get home, best friend's house behind wall of water also...I'm only ten miles from home and motel rooms are expensive. I'll be spending this incredibly restful night in my office.
Sounds uncomfortable, doesn't it?
Not necessarily. In my youth, I was a Girl Scout. SO what, you say? That means I am prepared for all situations. In my trunk, I had a sleeping bag, a pillow, my laptop and a movie (mind you, it is Thumb Wars!). I found two dollars for the snack machines in my ashtray. I am set! An oasis at the Herald. There is a bathroom, a door I can lock, a phone in case of emergencies and a shower in front of the snack machines. Yes, in true Herald fashion, there is a big leak right in front of the snack machines, so I guess I could get a Coke and a wash?
But anyway, preparing to lay down for the night. I guess I'll pray for it to stop raining so I can see my kids again!n